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Insisting that kids only speak second language

February 2, 2012
9:00 am

Glen

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As I posted in a reply to another post, I speak German with daughter and we live in the US. She was speaking just German with me for the last six months and now started slipping back into English. Is it time to put a little bit more pressure on her? Reminding her to speak German with me. Or just out right insisting she does? I don't want it to be a chore for her, but I also don't want her to not speak German with me. I want it to be fun for her. She's six now. Is this the age that a bit of laziness is to blame for this? With all the things she's learning at school all day (which seems a lot nowadays) perhaps she's just tired of thinking and doesn't want to try the German. I need some encouraging words here. Frankly, I'm a bit saddened by the fact that we're back to English (mostly).

February 5, 2012
8:01 am

Jan

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Hi Glen,

I was in a similar boat with my kids when they were young though our situation is the reverse: I´m an American living in Germany, raising my kids to speak English. ;)

In the meantime, my kids are 16, 19 & 22 and all bilingual.

But I can remember well the struggles we went through when they got up to around the same age as your daughter and decided they really only wanted to speak German since mom understood both languages. Yes, it was frustrating and yes, I worried that I might be expecting too much but I decided to persevere. Though they often gave me Germany answers I continued to speak in English ONLY.

I can remember speaking to my pediatrician at the time and asking what I should do. He basically said I had two choices: either DEMAND that they only speak English with me and ONLY respond to comments in English myself (hard to do with young children when they really need something!) OR simply keep up my end of speaking English and trust that they are taking it in, that their brains are processing and storing it and get on with life.

Though I tried the hard-core method at first, it put such stress on the overall sense of well-being in the family I soon shifted to the second option…the one based on trust. After all, isn´t the basis of a true, loving relationship founded in trust?

As time went on, all three chose when they wanted to speak English, and when German – all making the shift at different times, fluctuating in how much they spoke each language – but their father and I were consequent about speaking our mother tongues with the kids. When ever we were around relatives and family friends who didn´t speak Germany well, I noticed the kids really didn´t have a problem switching to English and using it effectively…so I stopped worrying.

Now I´m proud of how much they´ve learned…and so are they.

Good luck with your daughter!

Jan Marie ;)

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