Father willing to use his own mother tongue when speaking to the to-be-born child but the mother does not speak it...is it a problem? | Raising Children in More Than One Language | Forum

Dear All,

i am excited as most of you with this website!

We are a Lebanese/Polish couple, and we are expecting our daughter to be born next year in March. Here is the current situation in terms of language:

-We live in Poland, so the "Atmospheric" language is Polish

-My wife's mother tongue is Polish, and she is willing to speak to the child in Polish, and we will (as we always do) speak together in English.

-My moother tongue is Arabic, and i am willing to speak to the child in arabic/lebanese accent.

The problem that worries me is:

my wife does not understand Arabic and she is actually not much interested in learning it: will it be a problem is i speak to the child in arabic ? will this cause a problem to the mother when the child grows and speak to me in a language that the mother does not understand?

I am worried about this.

I wait for someone's reply who had similar experience, where the mom does not speak the dad's language, and when the dad speaks this language to the son.

Thanks.

Marwan

Hello!

We also have a similar situation. I and my husband speak to each other in English (we live in the UK), I speak to our daughters (3 and 1 year old) in Latvian and my husband speaks to them in Arabic. I have only very basic knowledge of Arabic (though I plan to learn it, God willing).

I agree with Deana that as long as your wife supports your wish to speak to your girl in Arabic, the fact that she herself does not speak Arabic should not really cause any problems. In fact, I am sure she will pick up some Arabic from your conversations with your daughter. At least that is what happens to me listening to my girls' interactions with their Dad.

Good luck!

Iman

Hi Marwan 

We are in a similar situation too.  

- we live in London and our children (4 and 1.5 y.o.) go to an English nursery

- my husband speaks Greek to them (I understand some Greek) 

- I speak Dutch to the children. 

My husband understood almost no Dutch at first, but we both still felt it was important to speak our respective mother tongues to our children because (1) that is what came most natural to each of us; (2) it is part of their heritage and culture; and (3) it's important that they can communicate with family, their cousins, etc. 

My husband has picked up a great deal of Dutch along the way and now it has become second nature for each of us to speak in our own language.  If we notice that the other parent really doesn't understand what we say, we sometimes add a quidck translation in the other language to make sure no one feels left out, but this has now almost become unnecessary.  The children switch easily from one language to another and find it completely normal that there is a different word in each language to say the same thing.  They love to read books, watch DVDs and listen to songs in all three languages.  I think there are so many benefits for your child to speak more than one language (my 4 y.o. is really proud now that he can speak three!) and, if your wife agrees (which I hope she will do) I would really encourage you to speak Arabic.  

Best wishes for the new arrival in March 

Emmanuelle 

What a wonderful opportunity for your child, not only to learn about Arabic culture but a whole new alphabet too! All children seem to go through phases of wanting to be able to write in a secret code, your child won't even have to make one up…

All that's needed is your positive attitude, patience and when the dominant language becomes Polish, as it will if you are surrounded by Polish all day long, even more patience to persevere, even if your child decides that he/she doesn't want to stand out from his/her peers by speaking a different language to you in public.

Your wife may well not have shown any interest in learning your language, but when she hears you speak to your child she will learn without even having to try…

Good Luck!

Hi all…one more post but I thought it might be helpful! I am a Lebanese married  to a Bosnian/Canadian. We have three children 5, 3, and 1 and a half years . We live between three different countries, Saudi Arabia, the UK and Bosnia. I have always spoken to our children in Arabic (Lebanese accent). My husband speaks Bosnian to them and my husband and I speak English to each other. When we are in Saudi, I ask the children to speak in Bosnian to each other. When we are in Bosnia, I insist that they speak Arabic to each other. When we are in the UK, the children may choose to use either Arabic or Bosnian to speak to each other. My five year-old is fluent in all three languages. My three year-old speaks Arabic and Bosnian and understands English. The baby seems to use Arabic and Bosnian words, but he mixes the two languages. I was never interested in learning Bosnian as I speak Arabic, English and French, and I thought three languages were enough for me to communicate in any context. However, when my husband started speaking to our children in Bosnian, I started learning it, as well (not that I planned to). I even speak some Bosnian  and understand a lot of it! I think it's your child's right to learn your language even if you or the mom were not happy with that ( UN linguistic human right). May be you can approach the topic from this perspective. Arabic is expected to be as common as English in the future http://www.theatlantic.com/pas…..llraff.htm. Enjoy teaching your children all the languages you can as I believe language skills can open many doors to the children in the future.

I hope this is helpful,

Manal