By Alex Poole
Photo Credit: Andrea Fregnani
Bilingual couples aren’t so exotic anymore. I can count at least a dozen of them in my area (Bowling Green, Kentucky, USA), most of which involve one native speaker of English. This fact probably comes as no surprise to those of you who are part of a bi/multilingual family. Not only are we hyper-aware of our linguistic ecosystem, but we also tend to seek out couples who inhabit a similar one.
What surely comes as a surprise to most of us, however, is that many of the individuals in these relationships — usually the native speakers of English, in my experience — resist learning even the rudimentary elements of their partner’s mother tongue. The excuses range from “I’m not any good at languages,” and “I’m too old,” to “Her parents know enough English,” and “I just don’t have time.”
As linguistic epicureans, we can’t understand why they abstain from the feast that is their spouse’s first language. So perplexed by this lack of interest, we are frequently left speechless.
After spending more than a decade of trying to persuade mostly male Anglophones to join the coalition of the willing, I have concluded that arguments based on logic and reason are largely met by deaf ears. When I recite the litany of reasons to become bilingual (e.g. increasing knowledge of the world, improving one’s employment opportunities, making international travel a richer experience) in professorial fashion, my interlocutor almost always nods in agreement and proceeds with business as usual.
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Yup, you either have to concoct a situation where they HAVE to learn the language in question (e.g. it’s required by their job) or you appeal to emotion. You’re learning the lessons marketers learned about a century ago about what ACTUALLY has to be done to sell something to someone–logic doesn’t work worth a damn
Cheers,
Andrew
Andrew´s last [type] ..How to Not Sound Like a Gringo – The 17 Most Common Spanish Errors and How to Avoid Them
Great post – I had to overcome a huge resistance IN MYSELF to learning Catala. My excuse was that it was a big enough task to learn Castellano and as a linguistically challenged English speaker it would be asking too much of my brain. But one day someone changed my chip, very expertly and gently. We were at a party – everyone speaking Catala except when they used Castellano or English with me. She said – ‘forget the Spanish, you are living here in Catalunya in a Catalan family and if you want to feel part of things you must learn Catalan. Would you go to Germany to learn Welsh?’ From that day I stopped studying castellano – obviously I still speak it when needed – and started to listen and learn the language that is all around me. The resistance had been blocking my ears – actually I already had picked up a lot so it is not too difficult and of course is also incredibly interesting and fun.
To all those English speakers out there – when you open your heart to a language then your brain follows….
Kate´s last [type] ..24 Hours in Barcelona
Love is everything! If you really love the person there is no way you do not want to learn your partner’s native language. No excuces!
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