By Corey Heller
Photo Credit: Kim Hyeyoung
What with all of the fantastic American men around, what made me choose to tie the knot with a foreigner? How about this fun, tongue-in-cheek, stereotypical rundown of some of my favorites (ignoring, of course, all of the challenges that go into an international marriage!)?
Let the countdown begin…
10. That glorious accent! Who knew an “R” could be rolled that way!
9. Foreigners are oh-so-sophisticated. Whether they grow up on a farm, in the city, poor or rich, they just have an air of sophistication about them. They simply can’t help it!
8. He thinks I am fascinating. When we met in Ireland, he didn’t realize how completely common I am in my home country… too late now!
7. I have an open-ended excuse to travel. Ok, sometimes this can be completely annoying since every vacation abroad is filled with visiting his family but hey, at least I have a reason to board the plane and it is great not to have to cook and clean for a month.
6. Our children will speak another language and we won’t have to pay an expensive tutor.
5. Two weddings. I’ll admit that we didn’t end up having our second wedding (the “American wedding”) which upset my side of the family to no end (we really did want to have one, honestly, I swear!) but the excellent excuse for getting family and friends together twice is fantastic!
4. He automatically charms friends and family. See #9 above… Need I say more?
3. Chocolate and more chocolate. I finally have an excuse to indulge in that high quality chocolate (the kind that melts in your mouth like nothing else in the world) that he can’t live without!
2. I love a challenge. Who would want to have a simple, normal, easy relationship? Especially after our children arrived, things got really challenging (and it wasn’t the decision of whether to use cloth or disposable – that decision was the easiest: cloth!).
1. True Love! It just couldn’t be any other way! Meeting in Ireland, breaking up in Versaille for an excruciating 10 minutes, meeting the families, being separated for a year to finish college… it was all worth it and made our relationship even stronger. After all of that, there was no way I could let him go, ever!
Are you married to someone from another country? What is your silly, fun, tongue-in-cheek top 10 list (or at least a few from your list)?
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{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m a Latvian married to an American, but I’m an American, too, so I’m not exactly married to a foreigner. But it is a meeting of cultures… I think my brother-in-law put it best at our wedding, when all the Latvians sang me and Joe a folk song and then the brother-in-law said, “You know how people say you marry not just a person, but their family, too? I think Joe’s marrying a whole other country!”
But you know what? I think I married the ONE American who doesn’t find the Latvian thing fascinating, exotic or especially worthwhile! But he’s at least somewhat supportive of it, and we dye our Easter eggs in onion skins every spring.
The interesting thing for me is this: my non-Latvian husband has taught me that I’m Latvian in ways I didn’t even realize. But I’m not sure that’s so special. If every marriage is, in a way, the meeting of two cultures, getting to know that other culture also teaches you about yours.
(The cloth diapering decision was super easy for us, too!)
That is so funny about your American husband who doesn’t find “the Latvian thing fascinating”! I should say that when my husband and I met we were not enamored with each other’s cultures! I went to Ireland to hang out with the Irish, not some German guy! And he wanted to hang with the locals, not some American on an Education Abroad Program. But in time we did become fascinated with one another’s cultures (even if not always for good reasons).
I can totally relate to what you say about your non-Latvian husband teaching you about how truly Latvian you are. The little things, like the Easter eggs in onion skins, become so very highlighted when seen through each other’s eyes, don’t they! By the way, we tried the onion skins one year but ended up with completely brown eggs. I clearly did something wrong. Maybe you have a tip or two? We really enjoyed doing it and I’d love to try it out again… I saw online how we could get the more mottled coloring.
Thank you for your comment! I love sharing all of these experiences with others!
I didn’t marry a man from another country, but I did marry one whose family is intractably Republican. Does that count? I converted him in the end, but we still have to have holidays with Republicans!
Oh Shannon, you CRACK. ME. UP! Definitely – political differences count faaaaar more than language and cultural differences!
I love the way your mind works to see the connection with this post. You should write one titled “10 Reasons Why You Should Marry a Republican (Like I Did)”! I’d love to read that. Knowing you, it would be hilarious, full of tongue-in-cheek witticisms and so much more. Perhaps you should have married Schwarzenegger… then you could have had both the foreigner elements AND the Republican elements – oh yea baby, bring it on! 
I married a Brit and live in his country! although we are both native English speakers the cultural differences between Americans and Brits is vast!
Like Cory we spend all of our vacations visiting family on the other side of the pond and in Europe and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We would like the girls to have both passports which will give them the opportunity to be able to choose where they want to attend university and live. I can’t think of a better gift!
A family that shares two cultures, two languages and two lifestyles is just so rich! Having a foreign husband means I can pick the things I enjoy from his culture and from my own, and integrate it all into our own, unique family culture. And in my case, a Canadian married to a Spaniard, I’ve gratefully adopted the good food, great wine and Mediterranean sunshine.
notsospanish.wordpress.com
I’m Asian and my partner is Australian. I guess it’s easier for us Asian to adapt to Western customs since we have early exposures to it (TV, music, media etc). But my White Australian boyfriend have a harder time adapting to me.
Especially on the matter of food, and this has been quite challenging to my avid cook self. I still can’t cook a steak properly, and he still doesn’t get the concept of eating rice with the little side dish at the same time, instead of separately! 
Also, to quote Daina, with a slight modification: dating him has “…taught me that I’m Asian in ways I didn’t even realize.” So true!
Gloria´s last [type] ..Lazy Saturday
I married a Domincan because of the first and second reasons on the list: he was the only one who offered me “unconditional friendship” before it evolved into love, and I never did things the easy way anyhow. I like #8 as well. I am Italian American and only learned the surface aspects of the culture, such as food. Now that I have learned Spanish on my own, I find Italian much easier to read and speak and St. Joseph’s Day is now my favorite church celebration because I get to switch back and forth between Spanish and Italian at the table.
#10 is the funniest of all for me. Ramon describes himself as “media lengua,” which means he can’t roll “r”s in words like “arroz” (rice) or “perro” (dog). I, on the other hand, can roll the “r” and no one ever guesses where I am originally from. As a friend once jokingly told me, “It’s better to have an Italian accent than a gringo accent.”
After living in Hong Kong for two years, I came home to Seattle…and promptly met, fell in love with, and married a man from Hong Kong. I LOVE IT.
My kids voluntarily eat tofu, dried whole fish and “juice” made from flowers!
10) So many holidays!
9) Chinese food is just HEALTHIER than most western food I am familiar with…
7) I admit, sometimes his mistakes make me laugh. (Today, he said his teeth had “plague.” He meant plaque.)
6) His mother! Whenever I have a baby, she moves in for a month and does all the cooking and cleaning. Heaven!
5) Being able to have an argument in broad daylight and know that nobody else can understand us. (I’m fluent in Chinese.)
4) When we went to Hawaii on our honeymoon, I got him to dress up in all sorts of loud Hawaiian prints…and on him, what that great skin, he actually looked cool!
3) Our kids? ARE GORGEOUS. ’nuff said
2) Did I mention all the holidays?
1) HOLIDAY FOOD! Om nom nom.
Aunt LoLo´s last [type] ..My Review of Womens Puddles Rain Boots in Grey – Fuchsia Argyle
Oooh couldn’t agree more with Nr. 3 ! Right on!!!!!! Multicultural/racial kids are absolutely the most beautiful!!!
In Hawaii, they’re called “hapa.” In Hong Kong, they’re “Wan Hyut” or just “Mixy”. Here, in America, they’re multi-racial…or just Eurasian.
Whatever they are, it’s a good mix. But it does weird my mother out a little bit to see an exact copy of her own green eyes…looking out of almond shaped eyes on a tan little face! haha (my mother is so pale she’s nearly blue! Think Snow White..)
Aunt LoLo´s last [type] ..Siu Jeun and the “tong tong”
I am Scottish and living with a Catalan man near Barcelona.
When we argue we can decide it is a misunderstanding and stop!
I love his olive skin, dark eyes and black hair.
Yes, my family and friends find him totally charming and handsome – and he is.
So many more ways to say I love you/Te Quiero/T’estimo.
So many more terms of endearment – darling, mi amor, estimada, la meva done….
Mediteranean men can talk about emotions and feelings.
We have two different cuisines to choose from.
There are more special days in the year – saints days, fiestas, Sant Jordi which is the Catalan version of St Valentine but much nicer.
I can learn two new languages in my own home with my own personal tutor – castellano and catalan!
And I love the rrrrrrolling sexy rrrrrrs.
Such great reasons for my husband to marry me! I did not know there were so many!
Thanks!
Actually, a lot of what you wrote is true for me too!
I am not married but have been with my English partner for 11 years, I’m French myself and we live in Germany, where we met (at work in a European organisation). We have two boys who are very lucky to be trilingual, they’re getting at the stage where they now correct our German, that’s actually pretty cute!
Corinne´s last [type] ..Coffee and Tea Dyed Yarn
I think your article is very funny!
But I think, even if I’m Chilean and I married a French, I didn’t marry a foreigner, I just married the love of my life.
I’m Polish and I married a German, I lived in his country and I speak/studied his language. Now we live in Canada. I would say, I’m agree with each point on your top 10. The life is much more interesting with a person from a different culture! And the language is like a desert!
I loved this cute blog! Great idea! I fell for my Norwegian/French husband when I got tired of dating charming heartbreakers and realized that I wanted a stable, trustworthy partner who would share everything with me, including the laundry and dishwashing! I’m half-American, half-Swedish and we met in West Virginia, of all places, when we were both living in the DC area. Now we’ve moved to Norway, so I am the foreigner now! But anyway, my top 10 are:
10. I get to live in a land of the midnight sun, one of the most beautiful countries on this planet.
9. I’m learning a new language, and a cute one at that.
8. He’s so cute when he pronounces vikings, vows or violence “wikings”, “wows” or “wiolence”.
7. He shares all the household chores. (Boys are taught these things from an early age)
6. I am experiencing a new culture, as quirky as it is at times.
5. Norwegians have a great sense of work/life balance.
4. I get to enjoy the 17th of May celebration and the endless summer nights.
3. He treats me as an equal partner. (Norway has some of the strongest gender equality policies on earth)
2. He’s sporty and outdoorsy so hiking and skiing are part of our daily life, as is the case for so many others in Norway.
1. Despite our mixed cultures, we still share the same core values and are best friends.
I don’t know where it puts me an hubby but I loved this article.
I’m Jamaican married to a Yemeni. We live in Canada.
Travel, culture, language, adventure are just a few of the things I love about our union.
I try not to focus on stereotypes, but a lot of what I love about my hubby are stereotypical things (did I just say that?)…it’s true.
I haven’t married my beloved foreigner yet, but I will in a few months, and these are some of the great points about it:
- She’s trilingual – English, Russian and Uzbek – and this fits in nicely with my multilingual world. Her English, however, is pretty much that of a native speaker, and an extremely well-educated one at that, so we never have misunderstandings due to language. The best part of this is that she has a knack for translation, so she’s great at defining and explaining Russian words and expressions when I have questions about them.
- She’s interested in the world outside the borders of the US, which is something very important to me.
- She loves my cultural background, which is Latino, and she’s eager to travel to Latin America and Spain with me.
I’m extremely lucky to have found her, and we’re planning to raise her daughter bilingually, in English and Spanish. Russian would be nice, too, but, believe it or not, so far my fiancée hasn’t tried to teach that language to her daughter.
How funny – after reading this, I said to myself, “gosh, how lucky is my wife because I am a foreigner” …so, without saying anything, I showed the article to my wife. After reading it she said: “see, you are very lucky because I am a foreigner!” she is from Norway and I am from Honduras.
Ja ja, Carlos! There are two sides to every story, aren’t there? Good reply from Anja (assuming you are the Carlos I think you are).
Where do I begin? I love so many things about my husband and his culture. He is a Christian Egyptian, and one of the great things I love about him is that he has a good sense of humor. It surprised me when we first started dating that he was so funny, but now I know that everyone in the Middle East thinks they are a comedian. Seriously! Hehe.
I’ve learned that there are the stereotypical “dumb” people in every culture, and the jokes are basically the same (dumb blonde). I have embraced Egypt as a whole, I absolutely love it there, and can’t wait to go there to live, even though everyone in his family (including him sometimes) thinks we are nuts to move there right now.
I love that someone from a more conservative background so willingly married an American feminist. This rarely causes issues between us but has caused problems with his family-misunderstandings, usually, but they tend to just say “oh, she’s an American. It’s okay.”
It’s not always rosy, but marriage to a foreigner is the best!
I am a Mexican-American, live2 hours from the Mexico border. I married a Colombian, who is of Christian Arab decent. ¡VIVA LA DIFERENCIA!! I not only got to know 1 culture, but 2. Mediterranean food is to die for! Also, Colombian food! (and Music!)
My Spanish has improved immensely. And our children are bi-lingual. Castillian Spanish. American English.
Yes, my husband says he’s going to the “chicken”, when he means the “kitchen”. He says they sound the same. lol..
Also, myself, and my kids have a World View, instead of just
American. That’s a great education in itself.
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1.Will never stop learning about their culture.
2.Automatic bilingual child
3.Travel
4.Genetic Experiment
5.In-Laws that don’t speak English
6.Homemade food from other culture
7.Shock factor
8.Tradition older than America
9.Richness of perspective
10.Currency conversion
LOL to #5!!!
I’m an American married to a Dutchman living behind the mountains in Switzerland where we speak English, Spanish and French at home.
In no particular order and many have been said before:
1. He’s classic Dutch tall with those blue blue eyes.
2. He knows more about tulips and art than any other man I know.
3. He speaks and reads in 7 languages. That’s just so cool.
4. Because he’s so Dutch, he opted to teach our daughter Spanish over Dutch, because he thought it was more “practical”.
5. He’s got that oh-so-useful red (EU) passport, and now so does our daughter!
6. We’re both up always up for an adventure since our marriage is one to begin with.
7. I can always say in job interviews I have hands-on experience with multi-cultural situations.
8. Just about anywhere in Europe, he can manage to understand the answer when he asks for directions (which he always wants to do!).
9. We’re different for both sides of the family.
10. I have a great excuse for not moving back to the U.S.
agree to #5
Emily, thanks for posting #7. You are the first person to validate intercultural marriage in a professional situation (or at least the first one I’ve seen). I have been fighting for years to be taken seriously as a multiculturalist because I have married into another culture. This should be right up there with other reasons for accessing a culture, such as being born on a military base abroad, having parents in the Peace Corps or being the child of immigrants. Dugan Romano’s book Intercultural Marriage even explores various types- I am a Nontraditional.
However, I find that this is a “taboo topic” even at Global Leadership meetings at the university where I work. It has taken me a longer time to be accepted as multiculturally competent than if I had been born into another culture. We have the advantage of having chosen our culture, much like the convert to another faith who espouses the new religion wholeheartedly.
Hello
Im a Brit married to a Pakistani 
and I love it.. we have been married for nearly 2 years now and the advantages keep growing.
how politically correct of me hehee.. but multiracial babies are just the cutest thing ever.
I always tell him I married him for brown babies
Other advantages include, my own curry chef, having family in 2 extremes of weathers depending on our mood (my mother lives in Canada) the hours of endless fun we have listening to each other trying to talk the others language (this is mainly for me as he speaks fluent English although we laugh at how he says words) The countless education lessons we give each others family about our ‘cultures’ The advantages our children with have when they are eventually bilingual
The list could go on forever and ever, everything is still so new and exciting and we always find new things to marvel about
Ammena´s last [type] ..A new month
I’m an American who married a Finn, and we have been living in Finland for 7 years and now have two children. I am thankful for our family, but I would never recommend it! It’s too hard being away from my own family back home and sense of belonging. Think long and hard about what you’re giving up if you follow your spouse half way around the world! I feel like a foreigner in Finland and the US now. Not good!
Good points, Lan. It really pulls at the heart-strings, doesn’t it? I can’t say that I regret any of it (travel, marrying someone from another country, etc.) but there are times when I either feel extremely guilty about my husband being so far away from his family or frustrated that I don’t feel at home in the US like I did before I traveled abroad. On the other hand, I wonder what I would feel like had I not done the things I did and married the man I did. Maybe I’d feel similar to like I do now? Maybe it is all just part of growing up and growing older?
I am an American and have been dating a Hungarian woman living in Budapest now for over a year. I met her online. We shared all about each other and we want to marry with a year. We are in love and enjoy all about each other.
We had planned for her to come to US in September and stay 6 months on her visa. THen we would go back to Hungary for a while too.
She told her parents about us last week and they are mad at her. They think she is crazy for leaving them and going to live with a man in US. She is upset that her parents will not talk to her, until she comes to her senses.
What should I tell my love? How can i help her so far away.
Hungarians don’t marry foreigners as often as their neighbours the Austrians or Czechs but if your relationship is meant to be then make it happen. Her parents will accept it in the end.
I wanna marry an american, too
Um, this was a really dim-witted article. While it was sweet, the reasons that you listed did not support the argument of why marrying a foreigner would be better than marrying someone from your own country.
Well the article is titled “10 Reasons You Should Marry A Foreigner (Like I Did)!” not “10 Reasons Marrying a Foreigner is Better Than Someone From Your Own Country!”, therefore her reasons did not need to support anything but that. I found this was a really dim-witted comment. I do not understand how you came to the conclusion that she was trying to argue anything.
I’m an Indian from India and for some weird reason, get along much better with foreigners than my own countrymen. They bring that “freshness” into my life – those vibes which are missing among the people near to me. I don’t have any friends today as I dream to find a foreigner soulmate- even my birth horoscope agrees with it that I would possibly marry one.
My favorite foreigners (mostly females) are of the following nationalities: British (sexy accents, the fact that they cuss a lot), Slovakia/Czech Republic (cuteness), Russia (awesomely beautiful), Germany (they feel most foreign and exotic even among foreigners), United States (I like the no-nonsense attitude of Americans)
You know, I really feel that this post is a disservice, and just plain poor advice. Marrying a foreigner is just like anyone else–it is their inner qualities that are most important. It is also not like anyone else because of the extra patience and significant challenges required. Your post seems to be encouraging people to marry a foreigner for what are really quite shallow reasons that essentialize foreigners.
I think many of your reasons are quite poor, actually. Here’s why.
10. & 9.= only the most provincial of attitudes are impressed by this surface feature and annoying generalizations of “foreigners.” If you are so surrounded by homogeneity that an accent seems romantic, maybe you need to travel more. And bringing home an a**hole who is a foreigner does not make him charming just because he is one. In my own case, I will say that the opposite was true–I had to work ten times as hard with my wife’s family to win them over. Her father, in particular, held the view that his daughter marrying a foreigner would result in her moving a long way away, and he didn’t want that. He’s right of course–someday that may happen. But it took him a long time to let go of that opinion.
8. This seems more like you are encouraging people who are boring and socially inept to seek some naive soul from another country to marry/date them. What happens when that person realizes that you are really just a schmo that nobody likes and can’t get a date in their home country? Not really a good building block for a marriage, is it?
7. Ok on this one, but it is indeed a dual-edge sword. I am American and my wife Taiwanese. We (must) travel to the U.S. every opportunity to see my family, and although we look like big shots to some friends, it is kind of a grind to go back to the boring homestead rather than Paris. In addition, it is really expensive to bring the family (several months’ salaries!), so we are forced to live cheaply the other parts of the year.
6 Children’s languages. Yes, ok, but nothing that couldn’t be accomplished by schooling and family.
5. Two weddings is fine if you really want to have two, but a pain if you are expected to have two and really don’t want to plan a second one. It can end up being very expensive for one side of the family if the responsible party in each different culture is the same person. (For example, I was expected to make a substantial honor payment to my wife’s family for our Taiwan wedding, but in the U.S., where the bride’s family makes the bulk of the payments, I had to again foot most of the bill.)
4. See #10/#9 above… Need I say more?
3. Goods from other countries that your partner really needs? Yes, that can be nice, or it can be repulsive/expensive, dependent on what it is.
2. Challenges. ABSOLUTELY. I would offer more advice here. Don’t marry an impatient foreigner unless you are willing to be the only one to make sacrifices. Language is an issue for us, but since we are both very patient, we get through just fine. But sometimes it is a little frustrating (for both of us) when the other just doesn’t quite get it and it needs to be explained again. Sigh.
1. This one is not really specific to marrying a foreigner, so yeah.
Of your other comments, I would agree most with Aunt Lo Lo’s comments. Perhaps because we are both engaging with Chinese/HK/Taiwanese cultures, which are similar.
This is the comment I have been looking for after reading this post. I agree most of the points on the list are quite shallow and simplified.
I too am married to a foreigner (Turkish) and although it is great, it is not easy! I wish someone had offered more realistic advice to me before I married, to be better equipped to handle these challenges. An intercultural marriage also has many very special things – but none relating to an accent, sophistication or more travel (which now I don’t like as much as I am older, have children and it is exhausting – mentally and physically!). I have also come to appreciate my own culture more (Mexican) and seen how much we’ve lost many family values (especially American) due to adopting Western ways of living. How successful the marriage is also very much depends on circumstances, where you live, education levels, language, financial situation, cultural values, your work, etc. You may marry a foreigner but both of you live in the US and maybe even their family is there too or you may marry a foreigner who lives far away requiring you to move and sacrifice your work and life or you may marry a foreigner whose personal, cultural and religious values may not coincide with yours.
I’ve found in my own marriage that like any marriage we have to work at making it a strong relationship and then work harder at all the other cultural, logistic and distance barriers that come our way. Not something for the weak!
I hope to find more in-depth articles and websites that don’t just touch the surface of the complexities behind culture, marriage, identity and language.
Thank you Jackson and Soberana for your comments. You are very right that marrying someone from another country/culture has its set of challenges! If you spend some time here at Multilingual Living, you will find many posts that speak to the difficulties, challenges and seriousness of marrying someone from another country/culture.
This post, however, is not that kind of post. This one is meant to be read with humor and fun. It is focusing on the enjoyable, silly bits of international marriage and was never meant to be the kind of serious post that you are speaking of. One you might enjoy instead is this one: http://www.multilingualliving.com/2010/08/18/multicultural-families-identity-and-change/.
I hope you will spend more time here at Multilingual Living where you will find many “in-depth articles that don’t just touch the surface of the complexities behind culture, marriage, identity and language.” But this post isn’t that one. This one is a tongue-in-cheek bit of humor about the silly side of it all. And in the whole scheme of things, I believe that a little bit of humor now and then is necessary!
First of all, Corey, thank you for responding to these comments and engaging in valuable dialogue.
I should mention that what drew me to this site was an article about multilingual learning. One of the clickable links (articles) on the right column was this one, so this is essentially my introduction to the website. And I find…THIS?
I think what is somewhat disturbing and Soberana and I have problems with is that this post looks…well, like the serious thoughts of someone about marrying a 4NR. If it is a tongue-in-cheek look at it, it really should be more clear.
Marrying a 4NR is full of challenges and pitfalls–it isn’t easy, really–and this article really reminds me of the most simplistic and idiotic of my friends who, shall we say, “painted everyone with a wide brush.” This type of article would have been fodder for her as justification for a rash decision. “Ooh, that accent!” she would have coo’ed. “Inconsequential” I would have said. I mean, this type of stuff is okay for co’eds with a new college degree in hand, out to see Italy and meet a hot-blooded Mediterranean lover over the summer, but it’s really not good advice for a marriage. It really ought to be better introduced as humorous, because it is so misleading.
Actually, why don’t you ask your readership to submit the qualities necessary for a successful multi-lingual/cultural marriage/family? I bet you would find some interesting responses, none of them mentioning the accent
.
i am quite familiar with the ml-website and read a lot of articles, and for me it was very obvious that this article is a funny one, not meant as serious advice.
i myself am married to a foreigner (well, we are both foreigners in the country we live in) and i did a lot of research and read a ton of books, spoke to other multicultural couples before i made the decision to marry the love of my life. deciding something life-changing like marrying someone (especially from another culture!) should never be taken lightly and i don’t know anyone who MARRIED based on accent and the fun factor. we have to be responsible for our decisions and can’t blame others for not telling us it would be hard to marry a foreigner (this is mostly directed to Soberana who brought this point up).
i like this article especially because it doesn’t go into depth and doesn’t mention all those difficulties that we have to face. yes, it is sometimes hard, but it also is such a privilege and SO MUCH FUN. i enjoy every minute with my husband who is so different and who’s history is so different (and so exotic) from mine, and i love his deep accented voice, especially when he speaks my native language. i find it very important to never forget the little details that made him stand out to me in a crowd of people, and to find humor and joy in our multicultural day to day life (especially concerning relatives. that really is only possible with a good sense of humor!).
so thank you Corey for this fun reminder!
and Jackson, such an article (Actually, why don’t you ask your readership to submit the qualities necessary for a successful multi-lingual/cultural marriage/family?) would be really interesting to read and a good-more serious-suppliment to this article.
First off, I am a thorough romantic. So pardon my following decidedly unromantic post:
Your objections are all valid, and you haven’t even touched on what happens if the couple split up and their are children.
Given that 50% of marriages in the US fail, and the higher demands of a multi-cultural marriage, I HIGHLY recommend anyone THOROUGHLY look at what happens if it goes bad with children. It has been a nightmare for me, and I know far too many with multi-cultural kids in the same boat. They are all in Germany, but I’ve read enough stories about people in other countries to think our unfortunate situations actually could be MUCH worse.
That doesn’t mean I say no to such things (love with me always wins out over logic), but you should assume that everything you thought you knew about breaks up should be tossed out the window and instead get educated. At least then if the ugliness happens, at least you will be better prepared to deal with it.
Sincerely,
Yet another parent stuck in a foreign culture/country
Jeff Winchell´s last [type] ..Die Besteigung meiner Aktenberg (Climbing a Mountain of Legal Files)
Jeff, that is an interesting point and one certainly worth researching before making a decision to marry someone from outside your own country. In culturally Chinese countries, for example, the woman marries out of her family, and is considered a legal part of her husbands family. It’s not at all the marriage of two families, legally speaking. That means that should a divorce occur, the children almost always go to the father’s family–even if that father is a foreigner in the country. This leads to more cases of mothers kidnapping their children in the case impending divorce. The law is changing somewhat, but as for me, our children are my “property” even though I am an American living in Taiwan. As long as I can provide well enough for them, they are unquestionably mine in the case of divorce.
Now, Chinese societies are rather strict in terms of “men first, women second”, but it is certainly worth checking out the laws in your country. The more you know, the better.
I am a German (with a recently aquired US citizenship) and my husband is a US Foreign Service Officer. We currently live in Venezuela. Here are my top 10 reasons:
10. Two weddings (we really had them)
9. He’s very charming
8. Our daughter is already tri-lingual at age 3.
7. He is really smart.
6. He gives me an opportunity to travel the world and live in different cultures.
5. He’s special.
4. An intercultural and interracial marriage gets never boring.
3. Because we are an interesting family. I am Caucasian, my husband is Japanese/American and our daughter is African American.
2. I enjoy to learn languages.
1. He’s the love of my life
American married to a Colombian, we met in college in Madrid. This year we’ll be celebrating our 10th anniversary. The very best reason to marry a foreigner is life never stops being interesting. We have so much in common, yet so much different all at the same time. I’ve loved the challenge of raising children together (they’re both turning out to be so well rounded and beautiful). We’ve known from day one that we have to stay engaged in our relationship to make it work, no such thing as autopilot when you’re dealing with a cross cultural relationship. This keeps things challenging and entertaining. He’s my favorite person!
Love it! And, this was posted on our wedding anniversary.
I’m New Mexican, my husband is South African. Our biggest issues involve cuisine! But it’s marriage and he’s not just an African, he’s my husband and I’m not just an American, I’m his wife. And our three kids are not some cute biracial babies, they are our children. It’s so exciting and exotic to marry a foreigner, but then it turns into a marriage and a family and it’s familiar and comfortable. Accents don’t keep you warm at night but a decent, loving man does!
I had to smile at your comment about the “cute biracial babies”. I’m a Canadian (mom is of English/Scottish descent; dad is from Belgium) and my husband is of Chinese background (but born in Malaysia). The first thing ANYONE says when they find out my husband is Chinese is something along the lines of, “You’re going to have such cute babies!” I sometimes want to say that since they’ll be our babies, I’m pretty sure we’ll find them cute regardless! Not to mention that baby-cuteness is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really feel that marrying someone who does not have the same background, language, culture, race, religion etc. is not something to be taken lightly. Whilst I appreciate that 10 reasons to marry a foreigner is supposed to be amusing, it is a little unrealistic and shallow to my mind. I agree with the other posts which don’t endorse these 10 reasons either. I think there is no reason to marry a foreigner, other than they are the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. However, marriage is never to be entered into without due consideration, and when you will have misunderstandings between you because of language and culture in addition to the usual problems every couple face – well, I say it is a step to be taken soberly! Having said that, I took the plunge and my Albanian husband and I (I’m English) have a lovely marriage with 2 wonderful kids. That’s not to say it’s easy for either of us, but I wouldn’t change him for the world. I married him because of who he is though, not what he is!
I am from Colorado, USA and he is from El Salvador.
10. Free Spanish lessons.
9. Cutest accent!
8. Tall-er, dark, and handsome!
7. Respectful – aka old fashioned family values
6. Funny use of English phrases
5. Discovering our cultural differences – the things we didn’t know about ourselves
4. The most beautiful child(ren).
3. Bilingual child(ren)
2. Daily evidence that we are all God’s children – made in his image.
1. Love at first sight – at least during first date!
I am from Venezuela (speak Spanish), married a wonderful Iranian man (speaks Farsi). We live in the USA, been married for almost 11 years and can only communicate in English.
At first, I didn’t know much of the English language so we spoke “Love language”-lol
It’s so wonderful to learn from a different culture, I think we have many things in common but at the same time we grew up with so many cultural differences.
We are very happy to have found each other, he is my soulmate. I love Persian food, even more than my own now.
Even though we are both USA citizens, I feel half persian and he feels half Venezuelan. My family is his family but sadly he lost contact with his persian relatives when he left his home country. Many Persian friends tell me the success of my marriage is the fact my persian in-laws are not in the picture -lol. I would give anything for my hubby to reconnect with them.
Are you a Lovepat?
After reading all the interesting comments on this fun topic, I realized that many of the commentators and readers of this blog are Lovepats.
Lovepats are those of us who choose to move to, or live in our partner’s home country. This decision can add incredible joy and enrichment to our relationships and our lives, as well as complexity and challenges.
If you have a bi-cultural marriage and neither fit into the typical “expat” or “accompanying spouse on assignment” categories, you are probably a Lovepat. If you left your home to move to your loved one’s home country, you are a Lovepat.
I have created a survey to better understand Lovepats, their experiences and their needs. Results from this survey will shine a light on this understudied group and to better support Lovepats in finding the balance necessary for a fulfilling life.
If you are a Lovepat, please take 10-15 minutes to have your say by filling out our survey. You will find the link on the Forum page, or here below. It will give you a chance to look at the life-changing decision you made and reflect on how it has affected your relationships, your family, your career, and your life in general.
Thanks so much in advance!
To take the survey, click on the link below:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JKW589K
one word… SHALLOW.
I am French, married to a Hong-Kong Chinese, living in Taiwan. Don’t get me wrong, I love him very much, we have wonderful children who are growing up tri-lingual (Chinese, English and French) and our marriage is gonna last. But knowing what i know now, having experienced 11 years in Asia, giving up on my dreams, would i do it again? NO. Would i marry him again? NO Would i come to live in Taiwan? NO. Marriage is tough enough without adding the cross cultural thing. I would marry a French man or at least a Western man. The cultural differences would be minor. So marry someone because you love them, yes, because they are foreign, no.
I am English and in a relationship with a woman who is also English, which was a big surprise as I never thought I would be, having lived and travelled in different parts of the world, and, unlike most British people, speak other languages, so would welcome the chance to use them regularly. (Actually, my girlfriend’s grandpa is Ukrainian and he still has an accent after sixty-five years, but the only Ukrainian word she knows is ‘Dido’ or ‘grandpa’.)
I grew up in Singapore, where mixed marriages between expatriates and locals were common, as were Eurasian children, but some relationships were less successful than others. Yes, there might be something ‘exotic’ to begin with, but the novelty can wear off, and cultural differences can be a minefield: talking with your mouth full or entering someone’s house with your shoes on can be acceptable in one culture but not the other.
Having lived in Asia, I’ll happily eat rice, but my girlfriend won’t, even though the rest of her family will – but that’s just down to her, not down to what race or nationality she is!
Anyway, I love her and she loves me, irrespective of whether she’s from Taunton, Somerset or Tanggerang, Java.
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