Corey with her two sons
By Corey Heller
Originally appeared at An American Between Worlds in April 2008
My husband and I often speak English with one another. Ok, I’ll admit it, we speak English with one another much of the time. It comes naturally to us. It was the language we spoke when we met 16 years ago on the Emerald Isle of Ireland, in Mary Ryan’s Hostel in Galway.
When we met, I couldn’t speak a word of German and my future husband was in Ireland to practice speaking English (not to teach some American German)! So English it was (and stayed).
Be it as it may, as in all good love stories we fell in love and I ended up taking a leave of absence from my university studies in California to spend two years in Germany with my future husband. We tied the knot in 1995 and moved to Seattle, Washington.
While in Germany I spent grueling hours learning German at the Volkshochschule for six months followed by even more grueling hours at the University of Kiel.
Textwiedergabe – I remember that word very well. It can still bring a chill up my spine and fear into my heart. The ultimate of torture touted as “learning German.” I can still remember sitting there poised and ready with my pencil in hand waiting for the moment of truth. Heart pounding.
That kind of weekly stress coupled with trying to pronounce those dang letters ä, ö and ü while a kind-hearted teacher squishes your mouth into different shapes was enough to make me want to fall to the floor and plead for mercy: “No more German, please! I can’t do it and that is that!”
“Say ‘eee’ while rounding your lips like this,” the teacher would say, squishing, adjusting, man-handling my mouth. I’d try it over and over again with a pleading look in my eyes until finally she’d say, “Yes, perfect!” I’d sigh in relief but would have no idea what I had done correctly that time.
“Thank you very much. Just move along now to the next student – Please!” I’d think to myself desperately.
“I just have one little question,” I’d say before she moved on. “How on earth do I remember all of this while trying to use that sound in the middle of a word which is in the middle of a sentence!?” My tone was that of honest exasperation.
But eventually I did.
Day after day, week after week, month after month of hearing and using the German language magically squished my American mouth into shapes I had never needed before. And I dare say, I fell in love with it all. My nemesis and I became the best of friends.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to say the boys were right! It ISN’T fair to expect them to speak a language when you don’t do the same…I’ll have to remember that as my daughter reaches the bargaining and excuse-making age!
Also, you gave me chilling flashbacks to my own language school and drill days. Necessary, yes. Enjoyable, not so much. Although maybe there’s some satisfaction in knowing your brain cannot possibly absorb another piece of information, I don’t know.
Hah, my poor kids, having to negotiate for what is only right! Good to know you are on their side! In fact, I think I am the one who has benefited the most – I have been using more German than I would have had we not made that agreement.
Ah yes, the language drills. What is a language lesson without them! It was certainly a battle but one I feel that I won in the end.
I think it’s natural for kids to speak to each other in the language they use at school. I’m American and my husband is Dutch and we have always used the OPOL rule when speaking to our boys.
We moved to Germany in 2006, though, and put our sons in the local schools. It took them a year or so to adjust, but they now speak German with each other. (Dinnertime at our house is a linguistic adventure!) When people ask them why they do this they just laugh and say: “We don’t know. That’s just what comes out.”
You kids spend a big chunk of their day speaking English at school, so it makes sense that it feels natural for them to speak English to each other. I think it’s really commendable, though, that you’re continuing to expose them to German. Bilingualism is such a gift!
I really enjoyed your article about the language of identity. Can really relate and it’s nice to see so much of my feelings articulated so well!