Been letting the “F” word take over again?
It always seems to creep up when we least expect it, when we are feeling our best, feeling our strongest.
Your kids tell you they don’t want to use your language anymore and wham, the “F” word raises its ugly head.
Your neighbor tells you a story about a kid who never spoke the community language correctly because his parents raised him in a second language. Yep, there comes the “F” word again.
F***, f***, f***.
On the one hand we want to ignore everyone around us, plug our ears and hum loudly when they start to tell us something negative about raising children multilingually.
On the other hand, it is like driving past an accident: we just can’t help but look. We are drawn by a deep urge to know what happened, what could happen, what most likely will happen. Is there something we should know that we’ve been missing all along?
“She was driving too fast around the curve and went right through the side rail off the road!” Wow, ok, now we know. We make a mental note: don’t drive quickly around that corner = dangerous!
But when it comes to raising multilingual children, there is so much information swirling about that it is hard to know which direction to take. Most of us walk around with blinders, only pulling them aside when research or information is supportive. Yet we often still have a nagging voice in our heads that asks, “Are you sure? 100% sure? Not even one teeny, tiny doubt?”
F***, f***, f***!
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent article, Corey!!! You hit the nail on the head, as always! I think that there is always fear, or angst, associated with parenting. Though it’s odd that when it comes to MULTILINGUAL parenting, it’s even more profound. What is it about parenting in two or more languages that is so fear-inspiring, when actually, for most of us, it is the most natural thing to do? Hm.
So true, Alice! There is something so much more nerve wracking when it has to do with more than one language. What I find so interesting, though, is that the more I learn about my fears associated with multilingual parenting, the more I learn about my own general fears about life too (and now to work through fears in general!).
Thanks for pointing this out, Corey. I’m lucky that I haven’t really felt the Fear up until now since both my husband and I speak Spanish at home and I am very confident her English skills will blossom without much help from us.
I do recognize, however, that the fear will creep in once she enters kindergarten and English takes over. I fear her strong will and having Spanish become a source of manipulation from either end. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!
Thanks for the tips
Ana Lilian´s last [type] ..The End of a Pregnancy- The Beginning of a Trilingual Life
Oh, I know what you mean, Ana Lilian, about never knowing when it will creep in. It seems that when I feel my best and most confident, that is when it comes. Arghhh! I love what you point out about your daughter’s strong will. Personality has so much influence in this whole multilingual journey, doesn’t it? Each of my three kids has a different personality and a different relationship with his/her multilingualism. So fascinating (and at times very, very frustrating)! So glad you commented. Sorry it took me so long to respond!
Thank you Corey. I love your advice on how to overcome this fear. It is definitely something that I need to sit down and calmly work through. Right now I allow every comment from friends and neighbors (negative, but also the positive ones!) to strike FEAR in my heart as the thoughts those comments ignite seem to spin out of control until the relatively harmless “I think your daughters speaks more Italian than English” become (in my head, of course) “I think your daughter will fail out of Kindergarten, never use her English prepositions properly, and therefore, be a failure!” AHH!!! If I could get fear under control NOW, and be more prepared for comments and questions from those around me, I think the pendulum of emotions associated with bilingual parenting will not swing out of control.
Truly, the reassurance I feel after reading posts on this blog is fantastic. Thanks for all of your hard work.
Katie (mother of 2 girls, bilingual in English and Italian)
Thank you so, so much for your comment, Katie! There is nothing more encouraging for me than to hear how a post impacted someone (both positively and negatively). As you can probably tell, I get the source of my posts from my own personal experiences and things that happen in my own multilingual family… so I can definitely relate to what you wrote! What I am finally learning is that the fear comes back again and again and again. The best we can hope for is to see it, greet it, welcome it in and let it go on its way without worrying about it (which is so hard when it grips to tightly and makes us want to do something NOW!). I am delighted you left this comment!