Hitting a Multilingual Parenting Roadblock

Every once in a while, our multilingual parenting journey loses its luster.  It starts to feel heavy and exhausting rather than light and easy and we start to wonder why we are putting in all of this effort.  Is it really worth it?  We all hit these roadblocks at some point along the way.

All of us.

Even me.

In fact, a few months ago, in a fit of frustration, I told my native-speaking German husband that I thought it was time that I just quit speaking German with the kids.  He is the native-speaker, let him do the talking.  Why am I doing all of this anyway?  Will my kids appreciate the fact that I sometimes get discombobulated in the head from all of this German speaking; that I sometimes just want to chat with them in a language that flows off my tongue with native ease?

But over the course of a few hours, I thought again about all that I would miss if I didn’t speak German with my kids.  I’d miss the unique chance to use a language that brings me so much joy; a language that I am connected with on a different level than English.  I speak English all day at work, most of my friends speak English, my surroundings are almost always in English.  The one opportunity I have to relate to the world in German is with my husband and children.

Despite the fact that we know that deep down we do want to continue doing what we are doing, we still hit roadblocks and it is sometimes hard to get past them.

What can we do when this happens?  Are these roadblocks telling us to throw in the towel or to march on?  Should we be making big changes in our multilingual family life when we hit these ruts in the road or should we just stand steady until the storm passes?  How can we know?

Here are some tips for figuring out what a roadblock means and how to get past it:

1. What is the real problem?
When you feel overcome with frustration with your multilingual parenting journey, start by figuring out what it is that is really bugging you right now; at this moment.  Ask yourself whether it really has to do with multilingualism or if perhaps it is due to something totally unrelated.  For example, I notice that when I have a bad day at work, little things can get under my skin which I would normally brush aside.
Resolution: Give things a day or two to clear up and see if you are feeling better then.  Don’t make any radical changes at this point.  Recognize that this feeling of frustration may be due to bad timing rather than anything major.  Remind yourself that we all go through rough patches and this may be one of those.

2. The same problems come up again and again
Do you find that your roadblocks are following a pattern?  For example, when things are going along smoothly, do you start to feel a little uneasy, thinking that perhaps you should be doing something differently so that it will feel more challenging?  Or vice versa: Perhaps you feel that raising multilingual children should go smoothly and when you hit even a minor snag, you assume all is going downhill?  We can unwittingly sabotage our own efforts by creating roadblocks where there aren’t any.
Resolution: If you find that there is a pattern to your roadblocks, then see if you can identify whether there is an underlying fear or uneasiness in you around certain elements of your multilingual parenting journey.  Find out where you are putting up roadblocks and brainstorm ways to work through them (perhaps a spouse or friend can help you brainstorm?).  Keep a journal of when you are feeling good about the process and when you are feeling frustrated.  See if there are elements which seem to coincide (certain days of the week, not enough sleep, having certain friends or family over, etc.).

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